Breaking: Music Blogger Releases Extremely Controversial and Shocking Opinion

It’s taken me decades to come to this realization:

The Beatles were a good band. A really good band. Extremely good, actually.

I know. How fucking stupid is this guy, wanting us to pat him on the back for liking the most obvious fucking thing to like in the universe?

If you asked me 5 or 6 years ago what I thought of the Beatles, I would probably have thought you know, Hey Jude is cool and all and Yesterday and Let it Be, whatever, good stuff, but overall highly overrated. Was this just to be contrarian? Yeah, probably.

When you’re young, you’re taught that the Beatles simply won the game of music, that’s that, it’s over, they’re the kings, it’s a historical fact. You can like other stuff, but if you think so and so is better than the Beatles, you’re just denying scientific reality. And I never thought that was fair. It’s like how NBA fans that grew up in the 80s and 90s think it’s some objective fact that Michael Jordan won the game of basketball and no other person could possibly touch him now, no matter what they do. I’ve never really had anything against The Beatles nor Michael Jordan — only the idea that everyone must simply declare that they are the best at what they do without any examination.

My appreciation of the Beatles has come gradually. I started to appreciate Abbey Road, and then the White Album, and then into Rubber Soul and Revolver. But up until recently I still considered everything pre-Rubber Soul to be just silly and childish and whatnot. Luckily, I’ve changed my tune. I wasn’t wrong to think that pre-Rubber Soul Beatles were rather simple. I mean, with some exceptions, most of the lyrical content of these albums consists of little girl this…little girl that…baby this…baby that…I love you ba ba ba please love me yeah ba ba ba…don’t leave me for another man ba ba ba…little girl ba ba ba ooh love you baby ba ba ba.

There it is. I just wrote the Beatles entire pre-Rubber Soul catalog. It’s as seemingly remedial and basic as I thought. But it’s also brilliant. Both are true. If you need any more proof that lyrics can be as simple and repetitive as you want them to be, I present the lyrics to “I Want You/She’s So Heavy”, one of the best songs off Abbey Road, in their entirety:

I want you
I want you so bad
I want you
I want you so bad
It’s driving me mad, It’s driving me mad
I want you
I want you so bad, babe
I want you
I want you so bad
It’s driving me mad, It’s driving me mad
I want you
I want you so bad, babe
I want you
I want you so bad
It’s driving me mad, It’s driving me mad
I want you
I want you so bad
I want you
I want you so bad
It’s driving me mad, It’s driving me mad
She’s so heavy
Heavy, heavy, heavy
She’s so heavy
She’s so heavy
Heavy, heavy, heavy
I want you
I want you so bad
I want you
I want you so bad
It’s driving me mad, It’s driving me mad
I want you
You know I want you so bad, babe
I want you
You know I want you so bad
It’s driving me mad, It’s driving me mad
Yeah
She’s so